Pets and Fedoras

\clearpage

\markboth{}{}

a current work in progress. Last updated 27th March 2024.

Concept

You are special agents of the NNSA (Never Named Spy Agency) with cover identities as ordinary house pets belonging to a pair of genius children, Linneaus and Fern. Your mission, as always, is to find out what your evil scientist nemesis, Dr. Goofenheim, is up to and put a stop to it!
This work is directly inspired by the cartoon Phineas and Ferb.

Tone

This game, which may be played with or without a game master, aims to emulate an episode of a Saturday morning spy cartoon. It is everyone’s responsibility to maintain a family-friendly time full of cartoon logic, like continuing to run on air for a few seconds after running off a cliff, jokes and cartoon violence. Dr Goof, the nemesis may be petty and/or greedy, but they and their schemes are never cruel.

Despite this game’s light-hearted tone, it is still advisable to have a safety tool or two on hand. The author suggests the Script Change tools.

Character Creation

  1. What kind of house pet are you? e.g. Platypus, Dog, Hedgehog, Cat, Parrot, Treefrog, Snail etc.
  2. Choose your number, from 2 to 5. A high number means you are better at PETS (animal instinct and senses, cuteness and charm). A low number means you are better at FEDORAS (spycraft, martial arts and gadgetry).
  3. Give your character a cute pet name, like Perry the platypus or Pinky the chihuahua, and a code name, like Agent P or Numbah 4.

Your Agent always has: a brown fedora, a jet pack, a parachute and a hover car.

Playing the Game

The game is divided into scenes. While the Agents are out trying to stop their nemesis, back at home their owners Linneaus and Fern are up to their own hijinxs. The game will cut between scenes of the Agents and scenes of their Home. At the start of the game, assign each player an Agent scene and a Home Scene.

During the Agent Scenes, the assigned player answers the scene prompt to establish the scene. Each player then takes turns say how their Agent deals with the issue at hand. When something risky occurs, roll dice (see below).

In the Home Scenes, the Agents are not present, and the assigned player answers the scene prompt by narrating the full scene.

Rolling the Dice

When the Agents do something risky, roll two six-sided dice (2d6) to find out how it goes.

If you’re using PETS (animal abilities), you want to roll under or equal to your number.

If you’re using FEDORAS (spy abilities), you want to roll above or equal to your number.

If none of your dice succeed, it goes wrong. Narrate how your action cartoonishly fails and makes things worse.

If one dice succeeds, you barely manage it. The other players will agree on a complication or cost, then you must include it as you narrate how your actions barely did what you set up to do.

If two dice succeed, you do it well! Narrate how cool your agent is as they do it!

Helping

If you want to help someone else who’s rolling, say how you try to help and make a roll. If you succeed, give them an extra die.

Scenes [SKELETON]

Agent Scene 1

The agents are hanging out with Linneaus and Fern at home. Which part of the home are you in? What are the owners doing?

Ask everyone: What in this area of the house suggests that Linneaus and Fern are geniuses?

Ask everyone: Your agent receives a notification of an urgent call from mission control. How do you receive it? And how do you ensure Linneaus and Fern do not see you answer it?

Home Scene 1

Linneaus and Fern are inspired to do something incredible. What is it? (Select one or make something up.) What inspired them?

d6 today’s activity
1 Build a rocket
2 Build a roller coaster
3 Modify vehicles for a race
4 Find a mummy
5 Put on a performance
6 Play an extra extreme sport

Agent Scene 2

Select a suspicious activity from your nemesis, Dr. Goofenheim or make up your own.

d6 Suspicious Activity
1 Bought all the {random object} in the state
2 Purchased a blimp
3 Stole a couple of wax figures from a museum
4 Just blasted off in a rocket
5 Bought an ad with {program/influencer}
6 Absolutely nothing, which is the most suspicious of all

Narrate how the agents’ handler gives them this information and order them to investigate.

Ask everyone: After the call ends, how does your agent sneak out of the house? And what form of transportation are you using?

Home Scene 2

As the agents leave their home, the camera pans over to see Linneaus and Fern starting their project. How are they getting the necessary materials / ingredients? Which of their friends has come over to help them?

Agent Scene 3

The agents arrive at Dr. Goof’s lair. Where is it?

Ask everyone: How do you approach the lair? How does it lead to a trap? (Choose a trap or make one up)

d6 Trap
1 Duct tape
2 A loop of rope
3 Bubblegum
4 Quick-drying cement
5 Air tunnel
6 Dog carrier

Home Scene 3

Back at home, Linneaus and Fern’s older sibling, Cam, has walked in on their shenanigans. They rush off to tattle. What is their parent doing? What does Cam say and why do they blow off Cam?

Agent Scene 4

What is Dr. Goofenheim’s evil plot? Choose or create a motive, and craft a short silly memory related to their motive. Then choose or make up a cartoon science invention to help them achieve it in a petty / hilariously inefficient manner.

d6 Invention Motive
1 Magnetism intensifier To get back at their sibling
2 Copy and Paste-inator To impress their child
3 Poop-inator To launch their new business
4 Media-eraser To erase evidence of an embarassment
5 Invisible ray To make up for a childhood trauma
6 Paper Cut-inator To remove a pet peeve

Narrate Dr. Goofenheim arriving at the trap holding the agents and monologuing about his evil plan. (If there are more than traps sprung in the last Agent Scene, choose which agent they appear before and projects images of himself to the other agents.)

Ask everyone: As Dr. Goofenheim’s monologue ends, what does your agent do to attempt to break out of the trap?

Home Scene 4

Linnaeus and Fern have completed the preparations of their project. Narrate how they and their friends launch their invention / begin their performance / game.

Agent Scene 5

It’s the final showdown as Dr. Goofenheim tries to turn his invention on. Does he manage to turn it on? If he does, does it work as plan or cartoonishly backfire? No matter what you choose, narrate how it raises the stakes.

Ask everyone: What does your agent do? And how does your actions bring Dr. Goof and your agent into contact with Linnaeus and Fern’s invention, without the children noticing them?

Home Scene 5

Linnaeus and Fern and friends complete their project as Cam is ushering their parent(s) around the corner. What happens to erase evidence of the project before they are discovered? What do the parents return to find the children and their pets doing?

License

Pets and Fedoras by Mr Zech (Zechariah Lau) is licensed under CC BY 4.0.

This work is based on Lasers and Feelings, by John Harper, and licensed for our use under the CC BY 4.0 license.